This book is being written so that I can get rich from your money.（So don’t ask me for a free copy）Besides making your money I want to brainwash you into thinking I’m a great guy so that you will give me even more of your money.
You might think to yourself. “What kind of Guy would do such a terrible thing?”
Well, to answer this question, let’s think. Hmm… who would take all your money and leave you with piles of debt? Hmm… what kind of person is writing this book? Would it be certain embezzling members of past governments in Taiwan?
（Note to Taiwan’s Secret Police: this last question was a thought from the reader’s mind and not written by the author！
Do not find the author in the middle of the night and throw him out of the country！ And be nice to the reader also because they support my spending time writing stupid stuff in front of a computer for hours a day.）
嗯… 該怎麼回答這個問題呢… 有誰把你的錢掏空還留下一大堆債務？嗯… 哪種人出這麼糟糕的書啊？貴國那些手腳不乾淨的政府官員嗎？
…Who？！ Who is this person who will run off with your money and leave you with piles of Debt?
No, I’m not the chairman of a powerful Taiwanese investment group who overspent and mismanaged billions of dollars leaving themselves still filthy rich but leaving the average Taiwanese person personally in debt for his wrong doings and extravagant lifestyle （How many wives do you have？）. （Note to the hit men of this “certain Taiwanese businessman in exile”: Again, this was the thought of the reader and not the person who wrote down what the reader was thinking. Do not kidnap the writer and make him disappear as it was all in the mind of the reader！ Yes, it’s the reader’s fault. But be nice to the reader too, please. I need them to buy my next book.）
I’m just teasing you！（...and certain recent government thieves and “a certain Taiwanese businessman in exile”. And we all can take a joke right？ Right？ I really hope so or I’ll be getting myself in a lot of trouble over the next couple hundred pages.）
For the miniscule price of this book you’ll improve your English （probably not）, will read thrilling stories of adventure （do your best not to fall asleep）, learn more about Canada and it’s recreational lifestyle.
P: What’s that book about？
G: I still don’t know.
What is the point of this book？ Well, that’s simple. When I’m in Taiwan I dream of certain parts of Canada that I miss the most； just like boys in school dream of Angelina Jolie or Jolin while they should be studying （but only when it’s hot and muggy and I’m stuck in downtown Taipei, I rarely miss home when I’m in Kenting or in Taiwan’s mountains）. You see these things cloud our judgment and take our concentration away from the work at hand. So in order to free up some space in my brain I’ve decided to take some of that beautiful junk that I dream about out of my brain and put it on paper in one great book！
（However, the thoughts of Angelina and Jolin will not be in the book due to copyright infringements and my not wanting to get in really big trouble with my wife.）
You probably think that I’m pretty brave to write this stuff in my book right？ Nah, my wife won’t read this book. Are you kidding? She didn’t read the last one. I just tell her that the book might improve her English and she’ll stay away from it like it’s got the plague！ As far as past embezzling government employees and certain “Taiwanese business men in exile”…They should rot in jail for stealing from hard working Grandma’s and Grandpa’s in Taiwan and… I’m more afraid of my wife than them anyway .
Now you can enjoy the book.
（And make bets with your friends about how long I’ll live after the book is published,）