The Feline Guide to Surviving Your Human Workplace

This document was not approved by Human Resources. Human Resources doesn't know it exists. Let's keep it that way.

For decades, the Feline Workplace Observation Committee has had agents embedded in every corner of the modern workplace-offices, warehouses, IT basements, home divisions, and the occasional supply closet. Their findings have been collected, catalogued, and classified at Level Green: general distribution among feline personnel only. Declassification was accidental. The Committee is, frankly, a little annoyed about it.

You're holding the result.

Inside: a taxonomy of meetings, including the species nobody admits exists. The Corporate Jargon Decoder, with FWOC translations for the phrases everyone uses and nobody believes. Six manager archetypes with handling instructions, ranging from the Helicopter Cat to the Cat on the Fridge. Open office survival protocols. Kitchen-law jurisprudence. An IT department field guide that finally explains why they prefer the dark. The official FWOC Threat Level Chart (laminate recommended). And an ongoing investigation into a stolen yogurt that has never been resolved and never will be.

Each section is supported by field agent commentary, fake incident reports, and the kind of bureaucratic specificity that makes the book read like an actual leaked institutional document-because that, the FWOC would have you believe, is exactly what it is.

Written in the deadpan institutional voice of cats who have watched humans schedule meetings about meetings, ignore emails, argue about thermostats, and keep showing up anyway, The Feline Guide to Surviving Your Human Workplace is for anyone who has ever sat in a one-hour meeting that could have been a three-sentence email. It is for the warehouse veteran who has survived nine corporate process reorganizations. It is for the IT professional who hears the same question 427 times. It is for the remote worker mid-Sunday-Scaries, the new hire on day three, and the manager who suspects, correctly, that the cat in their office knows things they don't.