Famesick: A Memoir

《成名病：莉娜．丹恩在野心、疼痛與聚光燈下找回自己》
成名讓她實現夢想，也讓她遍體鱗傷。

《女孩我最大》主創、暢銷書《我不是那種女孩》作者莉娜．丹恩，以毫不避諱的坦率筆觸，回望疾病、名聲、性愛、野心與愛，追問自己：為了實現創作夢想所承受的一切，真的值得嗎？

過去十年，莉娜花費無數時間往返診間，尋找診斷、治療與擺脫疼痛的方法。身為「莉娜．丹恩這副身體」的擁有者兼操作者，她形容那種感覺，就像「午夜時分拖著一輛撞爛的車穿越城市」。

拖著殘破的身體前進從來不容易——更何況，她還得穿著金色緊身禮服走上大都會藝術博物館慈善晚宴紅毯；前往由二十五歲的自己編劇、執導、製作並主演的熱門影集片場；出席白宮活動與金球獎，或趕到公關辦公室，處理最新一場網路風暴。

漫長的住院、無止境的疼痛，甚至在準備與歐普拉見面時躲進洗手間嘔吐，仍無法讓她停下來。因為她已漸漸分不清，自己究竟是在努力捍衛熱愛的事業，還是早已淪為野心的僕人。與此同時，她渴望一份足以承受私人傷痛與公眾目光的愛，更渴望再次成為自己——前提是，她還記得原來的自己是誰。

全書以三幕結構回顧她從售出《女孩我最大》試播集、一夕成名，直至今日的人生歷程。聚光燈照亮成功，也投下漫長陰影：扭曲曾經珍視的關係，使身處其中的人逐漸孤立。當源源不絕的藥物不再能隔絕痛苦，反而開始控制生活，名聲也無法抵禦人性最幽暗的角落。

在《成名病》中，莉娜重新計算夢想的代價，也終於找到比身體解脫更深刻、更長久的答案：學會與無法改變的事共存，把悔恨轉化為繼續前進的智慧，重新連結她真正熱愛的人與事。

INSTANT #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • In this rowdy, frank reflection on illness, fame, sex, and everything in between, the remarkable mind behind the hit series Girls and the bestselling author of Not That Kind of Girl asks whether fulfilling her creative ambitions has been worth the pain.

For the last decade, as she’s spent countless hours in doctor’s waiting rooms searching for diagnoses, treatments, and relief, being the owner and operator of Lena Dunham’s body has felt, as she puts it, “like towing a wrecked car across town at midnight.” It’s not easy dragging a wrecked car anywhere, much less to the Met Gala while sewn into a gold lamé corset. Or to the set of the hit show that you—as a twenty-five-year-old—are writing, directing, producing, and starring in. Or to the White House, the Golden Globes, or your publicist’s office to discuss the latest internet disaster. But Dunham does it—even if it means interminable hospital stays, vomiting in the bathroom when she’s meant to be meeting Oprah, or terrifying those closest to her—because she can no longer tell the difference between fighting to do what she loves and being a servant to her own ambition. All the while, she is holding out for a love that can withstand her personal and public challenges and, more than anything, yearning to feel like herself again—if only she could remember who that self was.

As Dunham takes us through her journey, tracking her rise to fame—from selling the pilot of Girls to the present—in three acts, it becomes clear that the spotlight casts long shadows, distorting the relationships she once held dear and isolating everyone in its glare. When an endless supply of drugs can’t protect you from pain—and begins to control your every move—being famous doesn’t stand a chance against the darker corners of the human experience.

In Famesick, Dunham asks herself what the cost of fulfilling her dreams has really been, and whether it was worth it. What she finds is deeper than physical relief, and more lasting, as she learns to live with what she can’t change and turn her regrets into wisdom that can carry her forward, as she reconnects to what, and who, she loves.